Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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