I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
