are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Houston, we have a squirter
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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