And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
