yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
