Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
