sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
