talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
