Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
