Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
