I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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