saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
