Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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