the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
