So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
