I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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