after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
