they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
