..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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