theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
