Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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