she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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