Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
