she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
