I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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