The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
