My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
