she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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