so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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