how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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