I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
