I think I won the penis lottery.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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