Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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