I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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