I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Someone signed my nipple.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
