I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
