she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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