i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What drink are we having for lunch?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
