Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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