I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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