I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
