just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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