i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
