Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
the liver wants what the liver wants
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
