i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
