PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
