At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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