Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
