so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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