If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
