Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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