he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
