Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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